Arlene's Story

Revelations 12:11 says that they (the people) overcame him (the devil, our enemy and he who fights against us) by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus dying on the cross) and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. This shows us how powerful our words are, especially in telling others of our lives and what Jesus has done for us. I'm not sure where to start. It seems that sexual perversion was always around in my life for as long as I could remember. There were all the other kids that I played doctor with. I was already dealing with a spirit of masturbation before I even knew the name of it and even before I learned it was a sin. I remember sitting in Sunday School when I was about 10 or 11 years old and I heard some of the teenagers talking about masturbation and they were laughing about it and making fun of each other. I swore to myself that day that I would never tell anyone about what I dealt with. A year or so after that I finally got up the courage to find out from my Sunday School teacher if it was a sin. She told me it was and ever since then I struggled with condemnation. Also about the time I was 9 or 10 years was the first time that I saw a pornographic magazine. My parents were divorced, it was at my father's house. My father also had a pornography video tape that wasn't meant for us to see. But he had recorded a movie over it for us to watch and he forgot that was in there. That was not the only encounter I had with pornography. Even though I was still a child it seemed that pornography was everywhere I turned and there was nothing stopping it. I grew up reading trashy (pornographic) romance novels. By the time I was about 13 or 14 years old I had a constant pornographic movie running in my head. It was uncontrollable. But I didn't mind, I had constant entertainment in my head, I just never wanted anyone to know about it. When I was about 17 years old my family began coming to New Covenant Ministries. This was the most challenging church I ever came to. I grew up in church, getting a solid knowledge of the Word, but never really growing spiritually. Well, here at NCM, I was challenged to not just look the part of a Christian, but also to live the life. For months I heard Pastor Jeana share about her testimony, it was so similar to mine in so many aspects. I tried to stop sinning on my own, but after a while it just seemed hopeless. I thought that I would forever struggle and feel condemned. Pastor Jeana shared that the way to get rid of sin was to expose it by confessing your sin to another and having them pray for you. The Bible verse in 1 John 1:9 ran over and over in mind for months before I did anything about it: If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I struggled with that because I thought that if I told anyone they would look at me differently, but that was only pride. Finally when I was about 19 a group named the Hell Fighters came to my church. I went up to the alter call. I was the first time I ever confessed all the filth and perversion in my life. I was instantly delivered. I went home that night and took every trashy novel that I had and threw them away. That was one of the most awesome deliverances and experiences that I ever had. There were some times after that when I struggled but I knew that was a sign that I wasn't staying close to the Lord. The years after that I spent relearning sex from God's perspective. What I would like you to know is this: there is nothing that you have dealt with that some one else hasn't dealt with. I was afraid to speak out on what I struggled with because I thought no one would understand. Don't be afraid to approach your parents or pastors (if you know they love you and that they know God) to confess sin or to ask for prayer. We will not judge you because God has forgiven us for much. It is by God's Grace that we are saved.

Love yall
Arlene